Merely seeking informal relationships, because everyone’s a fake aside from me (demonstrably). Sidebar, 
I’m perhaps not entirely certain “phony” suggests everything I think it means.
Identify: Heathcliff Age: Virtually not a clue. Profession: Mergers (with my opposition’ families) and purchases (regarding riches and pleasure). About Heathcliff: Spent quite a long time cultivating that #RevengeBody and also #RevengeWealth, nevertheless now I’m searching for a good, gullible woman to be in all the way down with, ideally one that only is actually linked to my opposing forces, whom additionally merely happens to be partnered to my childhood friend. You know, for typical, entirely perhaps not nefarious explanations.
Mention: Odysseus Age: 38 job: King of Ithaca who is 100per cent lacking a midlife crisis About Odysseus: I’m everything about that wanderlust lifetime: it is in regards to the journey, perhaps not the location, you are sure that? Particularly when the location is full of “responsibilities” like “governance,” “parenthood,” and “marriage to a lady who’s plainly smarter than me personally as she evades for sale like intimate chattel for ten years while we doof around banging haphazard witches and blinding one-eyed leaders.” Join me personally regarding quest, kids.
Term: Edward Rochester Get Older: 43 Job: Rich widower. Yep, the existing golf ball and sequence are lifeless. Real lifeless. Perhaps not presently within my loft becoming controlled with a genuine baseball and sequence. About Edward: in search of a younger girl who can mistake my personal brooding appearances and condescending misanthropy for tragic torment, and essentially are into employer-employee roleplay. Added bonus if she enjoys teenagers not adequate that she’s delay by how mean i will be to my implemented daughter.
Identity: Victor Frankenstein era: 34 Occupation: Doctor, researcher About winner: Looking for someone exactly who shares my enthusiasm for your mysteries of existence but would getting upwards for a relentless quest to recapture and eliminate my older roommate from my time in the college of Ingolstadt. Feeling of adventure is a must, because we create the North Pole in the future.
Term: Jay Gatsby get older: what age do you need me to feel lol career: Influencer, Renaissance guy About Jay: I’m weirdly comparable to him or her, but like a wonderfully wealthy and strange version of your that you’d not have dumped with no GODDAMN FACTOR in the first place, Daisy.
Name: Rodion Raskolnikov years: 21 profession: scholar, Extraordinary people which in theory it could be totally ok if the guy just killed a vintage woman, because I mean, he’s extraordinary, you know, only theoretically please don’t name that mean policeman who helps to keep snooping in. About Rodion: I’m only a better-than-regular man looking for an almost angelically great girl with a tragic facts who’ll for no good reason dedicate herself to my personal redemption and is also really into hearing myself reciting my half-baked approach 101 “theories.”
Identify: Jake Barnes era: 31 Occupation: Expat, alcoholic About Jake: Super manly. Absolutely, definitely, definitely not impotent. Actually into fishing and obsessing throughout the passionate and sexual selections of a lady who is entirely simply a pal (however you discover, not an equal who’s able to make her very own selection, due to that damn ladybrain). Most importantly: not Jewish.
Name: Hamlet get older: 26 career: potential master of Denmark About Hamlet: parents is actually anything if you ask me. As in, I won’t rest until we rip my children, company, and possibly actually my personal nation aside considering a conversation I experienced using my dad’s ghost about how exactly it is very GROSS that Mom and Uncle C do it, in which he assented which’s totally normal that I’m so fixated back at my mother’s sex-life. My personal finally sweetheart isn’t that comprehension, thus I’m seeking an individual who will supporting me personally contained in this difficult time and won’t bring a fucking cow each and every time I stab their father and verbally neglect her.
List: Lucifer get older: maybe not relevant Occupation: Ex-angel, Freelance adversary of God along with his design About Lucifer: I really designed internet dating, so thanks for visiting Hell.
