But what are some signs that you are a good romantic fit? Whether you’re still in the “talking” stage or have officially defined the relationship, you might be curious about what makes a couple compatible. Well, there is no one answer. The key is finding a partner whose personality and essence match up with yours. And, when there are areas where you and your partner’s personalities and habits diverge – say, you’re a homebody but your partner is an avid club-goer, or the two of you have different dietary restrictions due to your different religions – hopefully you’re both willing to make a few compromises.
Dr. Joshua Klapow, clinical psychologist and host of podcast The Kurre and Klapow Show, defines romantic compatibility as “the degree to which each person’s view of love, intimacy, and attraction (and the expression of these experiences) work together for mutual benefit.” Likewise, Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking, says romantic compatibility happens when two people are “equally attracted to each other.” But more than feeling butterflies and being emotionally intimate, romantic compatibility happens when you’re both “on the same page about where you want the relationship to go,” Trombetti explains.
Here are some more things to keep in mind if you’re trying to make sure you and your boo are romantically compatible.
Having the same sexual desires and romantic expectations can be super important
This means that your sex drives are aligned and if not, you’re both devoted to finding solutions to address that. If one partner is interested in kink, hopefully the other is, too (or at least willing to try).
When it comes to romance, it’s all about the little things, like doing activities you two can enjoy together. This gets to the heart of romantic compatibility the way Jessmina “Minaa B.” Archbold, psychotherapist, social worker, and author of Rivers Are Coming: Essays and Poems on Healing, defines it. For Archbold, romantic compatibility is when two partners respect each other and have an interest in learning more about each other. “You don’t necessarily have to share the same interests,” Archbold tells Elite Daily. “But it means caring enough to learn about each other in order to strengthen the relationship bond, while also learning about each other’s needs.”
Romantic compatibility also goes hand-in-hand with bigger decisions, like whether you’re trying to be boo’d up indefinitely or just want someone to keep you warm during cuffing season. “You both are in agreement on what you are looking for out of your relationship,” says Trombetti. Openness and transparency go a long way here.
Just because you and your bae have the same taste in music and really fun sex, doesn’t necessarily mean you’re compatible
There are several factors of emotional compatibility, and they’re not black and white. For example, you might be compatible if you have similar religious, political and social views. “How you see the world drives how you act in the world. The more compatible your views, the more likely you are to be compatible,” Klapow says. Trombetti echoes this, saying, “People say, ‘opposites attract,’ but really they don’t. They might be different on the outside, but they share the same set of values.”
That’s not to say that opposites can’t attract. If you’re, say, really interested in theater and the arts, and your partner is really interested in sports and fitness, that doesn’t mean that you can’t be in a healthy, happy relationship. Opposites on the outside can attract, yes, but similarities in values and morals on the inside are essential to finding a good match.
