No new partner needs a full report of your sexual history. Whether you’ve slept with 50 people or zero, that’s your business. Seriously, no one is entitled to your “number.”
However, getting intimate for the first time can be, well, intimate. If you feel like you’re withholding something important to you, it could negatively affect your overall comfort level and vibe. So if it feels right to tell them, tell them. If you’d rather not tell them, then don’t.
But keep in mind that if you tell someone you’ve never had sex before and they freak, then they’re probably not someone you wanted to be with anyway. They should take that as their cue to be even more communicative with you.
That’s absolutely okay. Remember that just because you start an activity-for example, sex-you don’t have to finish or continue it. You have the right to pause or stop whatever it is. No. Matter. What. Same goes for your partner, of course.
“Make sure you enthusiastically consent to each and every thing the two of you do together,” says sex therapist Vanessa Marin. “‘Enthusiastic’ is a key part of that sentence. Don’t just go along with something http://hookupdate.net/cs/japonske-seznamky/, make sure you’re excited about it.”
Check in with each other as things progress to make sure you’re both enthusiastic about what you’re doing every single time. Just because you had sex once doesn’t mean you have to say “yes” every time.
23. How can I feel less nervous about having sex?
A big part of enjoying sex is focusing on the sensations you’re feeling instead of, for example, your nervousness (which is totally common to feel your first time, even if you know you’re ready to have sex).
“Deep breathing is a fantastic way to let go of distracting thoughts,” Marin points out. As you’re taking those deep breaths, focus on how different parts of your body are feeling and how your partner’s body feels against yours-not just the obvious part, but their fingers in your hair, hands on your hips, whatever it is.
24. Is first-time sex supposed to feel good?
The more aroused you are, the better sex is likely to feel, so don’t neglect foreplay. For some people that means oral sex and for others it’s just old-fashioned kissing.
“Resist the temptation to think of these activities as the things you do before moving on to the ‘main event,'” says Marin. Whether or not you do orgasm the first time you have penetrative sex, clitoral stimulation is the key to most vagina-havers’ pleasure, and vaginal intercourse doesn’t usually provide very much of it.
25. What if I’m “bad” at having sex?
It’s natural to worry that you won’t be “good” in bed your first time, but trust, what matters most is that you are invested in how your partner feels and vice versa, and that you two are communicating about it.
“A lot of people get anxious about sexual performance, but perhaps the best quality in a lover is enthusiasm,” Marin says. If you’re genuinely enjoying giving your partner pleasure, they’ll notice it and have more fun, she says.
Need some guidance to get you started? Simple questions like, “How does that feel?” and “Do you like when I [fill in the blank]?” give your partner a chance to express appreciation for what you’re doing or to gently ask for something a little different.
26. What if my partner’s “bad” at sex?
A common concern is that if you tell your partner something doesn’t feel good-or something else would feel better-they’ll feel attacked. But if they care about your pleasure, they’ll be happy to hear how to help you feel it. In the moment, it can be hard to figure out what exactly you want, so it can be helpful to talk post-sex about what you enjoyed, what you could do without, and what you’d like to try next time.
